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K'ril Tsutsaroth
For hundreds of years Zamorak, the god of chaos, evil and Doritos has been searching for the ultimate evil minion. However, he had to go around to search for one. The entire cast of Twilight were tried and rejected, as the only thing evil is how horrendously bad it is. George Bush was also rejected after failing the 'Open a door' test. Sarah Palin was also auditioned, but even Zamorak had the shit scared out of him by her. Joe Biden was also considered, but Zamorak decided he didn't feel like tanking shotgun blasts through Biden's front door. Eventually Zamorak struck gold, during a shopping trip to Tesco when he discovered a massive red demon trashing the fruit and vegetables isle. It turned out that this demon was named K'ril Tsutsaroth, and he was the spitting image of a perfect evil minion for Zamorak. Massive, scary, and thick as shit. Eventually, K'ril Tsutsaroth accepted the job, as he was able to do what he loved most, trashing random things for no reason at all. However, one day, watching the TV that was installed into his chamber, he watched Pirates of the Caribbean, and from that day on thought he was a pirate. He ordered two extra-large cutlasses from Ebay, bit a couple holes out of each for a reason that is still not known to this day, and adopted a phrase that is statisically 37% less cliche-ridden than 'Hulk Smash'. Over two years later and he is now bored out of his demonic eyeballs. His TV was broken by a Saradominist vandal, his laptop, complete with a monthly subscription to the official Hello Kitty website stolen, and he is doomed to spend the rest of eternity trudging aimlessly around a small chamber with three equally stupid demons with even sillier names. He can't even kill himself as a release from the pain, as Zamorak forces him to re-appear 2 minutes later at full health. Visiting the chamber nowadays is said to be compared to being in a room with four moronic mass murderers who are pissed on Stella. Apart from K'ril, who prefers rum, just like a pirate. K'ril's K'nightmare K'name Many players refer to this mighty beast as simply the "Zammy Boss". The reasons here are twofold: A) His name was a prank by a Jagex employee who had a grudge against a dyslexic colleague. B) 90% of players are functionally illiterate. Don't believe me? Check out the forums. C) At the start of his career as the 'ultimate evil minion', K'ril had a fishbowl full of his favorite pet, krill, which was eventually stolen by the same Saradominist vandal as the one that stole his TV. Calling him K'ril confused many especially stupid PruneScapers, who confused visiting a massive brainless demon with a quiet trip to Catherby shore for some small shrimp-like creatures. K'ril's K'rib K'ril Tsutsaroth, months before the theft of his laptop, ordered 3 other demons from Retarded Zamorakian Monsters Ltd (now defunct). They are as follows. *Tstanon Karlak, who has a bigger mouth than the Daily Mail. *Zak'ln Gritch, who is a little on the clueless side. When adventurers come round, he playfully lobs snowballs at them as he believes they have just come to play. However, he doesn't know his own strength and ends up hitting a 210. *Balfrug Kreeyath, who redefines the term 'two-faced'. Seriously. K'illing K'ril K'ril Tsutsaroth thinks he is a pirate, as he carries a pair of cutlasses with Tesco Value lemonade "poison" on them, and tends to go "YARRRRRRRRRRRR!". He can hit up to 460 with a melee attack, although if you look closely, his cutlasses don't actually make contact with the player. His YARRRRRRRRRRRR can also be induced by using a cowardly technique known to PruneScapers as the Protection from Melee prayer. Doing so pisses him off, and makes him hit up to 490 RIGHT THROUGH that cowardly prayer, and cuts your prayer points so you aren't going to do it again. K'ril also has a magic attack, but he is as good at magic as George Bush is at opening a door. Boring months doing nothing but wandering, smashing weak adventurers and getting smashed by stronger adventurers took their toll on K'ril, as he is seen often shouting to himself, and not just random stuff, things like "FORWARD!" Fortunately, his demons seem to be immune to this noise, as if they could hear this nonsense they'd smash their faces into the wall. In the case of Balfrug, all three. He's also considered the hardest of the bosses in the area, as a massive, PSYCHO, CRAZY EVIL DEMON is a bit easier to deal with than a budgie wearing empty deodorant cans, wouldn't you say? K'ril Tsutsaroth's biggest weakness is rum. He's a pirate you see, give him some rum and you've got a friend. You'll still fail to kill a chicken though because you're bloody rubbish. K'ril's D'ungeoneering M'ates As of 12 April 2010, some of K'ril Tsutsaroth's mates managed to hack themselves into the latest PruneScape update - the Dungeoneering skill. All three of them were smaller than him, in brains, physical size and power. To'Kash the Bloodchiller preferred the cold to piracy, as has a variation of K'ril's YARRRRRRRRR, which is "DEEP FREEZE" which as we speak is being turned into a meme on 4Chan. The cold turned him light blue, which is rather handy camouflage in an icy dungeon, apart from the massive black horns. Har'Lakk the Riftsplitter had a preference for elemental rain, and not only could be drop a large glob of darkness on his common enemies (Adventurers, Saradominists and most regular fruit and vegetables), he could also make the weather worse than the average English day. K'ril's other mate, Bal'lak the Pummeler, has been discovered, and is a large black demon who carries a pair of warhammers. Whether he is known to shout "HAMMER TIME!" or not is still not confirmed. D'rops K'ril Tsutsaroth is well known for his tragic habit of, when compared to the other God Wars Dungeon generals of dropping complete shit. This includes: *Tons of junk arrows (Adamant p++) YES! JARGON! *Blood runes Overpriced stones with paint on them And if you're lucky: *A ZAMORAK HILT! Although you're better off killing the deodorant can budgie, that thing's 'hilt' is worth a lot more, and is a lot less likely to try and crush you with a barrel of rum. *Staff of The Dead. *Zamorakian Spear! His 3 equally stupid minions drop shit though, don't bother killing them. Especially Zak'ln, he's only trying to be friendly. As of lately, the price difference between the Bandos chestplate dropped by General Graardor and the Zamorak hilt is fucking huge. Combine this with the increased difficulty, and it is finally 100% safe to say that Zammy Boss Sucks. See also *General Graardor *Kree'Arra *Commander Zilyana *Har'Lakk the Riftsplitter References Category:Monsters Category:God Wars Dungeon Category:Kal'Gerion